Motivational Speaker's Greatest Resource?

The Motivational Speaker's Greatest Resource?

Half of the Motivational Speaker's audience is women and women control the emotional tone of each and every audience.

Understanding what women love and respond to makes for not only a great motivational speaker but gives you a greater understanding of life in general.

When I speak I keep track of how various stories I tell impact my audience...particularly women.

Women matter 5 times as much as men in determining...well everything when it comes to my business.

So just what do women love about MEN?

Women Love Men Who Give Them...

Ask any woman what traits she wants in a man and within the top 3
will be...a sense of humor.

The other top 2 will probably be some form of intelligence and
ability to support her in the style to which she would like to be
accustomed.

And humor, it now appears, is one way to judge the other two.

Because when humor is done well, it takes smarts and social prowess.

In his article in Psychology Today, "Laughing All the Way to the
Bedroom",(May 2011) Gil Greenhouse, psychologist and anthropologist,
says:

"The ability to say something funny requires a high level of
intelligence. If you memorize a thousand jokes, that doesn't make you
a person with a sense of humor. Sense of humor is more subtle. A good
sense of humor is about timing, the ability to say the funny thing at
the right time and to the right people. Telling a sexist joke in a
room full of women will probably not score many points with the
audience. Humor is largely an interpersonal activity that requires a
high level of emotional, social and also mating intelligence."

He's right (and you should follow Greenhouse as he is cutting edge in the field).

He goes on to say that humor is valued highly by women, and is
listed as one of the top 3 qualities by women in online dating ads.

He also quotes another study done by Eric Bressler, Sigal Balshine
and Rod Martin in which they found that women want a man that will
make them laugh.

Men of course start trying to impress in grade school.

Then the path looks to be ...dominance.

The way of the bully.

Fortunately, shortly after grade school, the second way to social
status emerges.

Prestige.

Writing on this subject on Huff post,(May 2011) Scott Barry
Kaufman,(Cognitive scientist, personality psychologist and professor,
NYU...another guy you need to follow!) :

"The dominant path is paved with conceit and arrogance, whereas the
prestigious path is paved with accomplishment, skill and prosocial
behaviors."

Hmmm.

And Science Daily reports: ScienceDaily (Dec. 23, 2008) - A new study
in the journal Personal Relationships reveals that women prefer mates
who are recognized by their peers for their skills, abilities, and
achievements, while not preferring men who use coercive tactics to
subordinate their rivals....

Women most likely avoid dominant men as
long-term romantic partners because a dominant man may also be
domineering in the household.

Back to Scott Kaufman.....he points out that humans use humor
effectively to pursue and conquer sexually.

"Studies by Gil Greengross, Geoffrey Miller, me (Kaufman) and others have
indeed shown the benefits of humor for intersexual selection -- funny
people do report having more sex and more sexual partners, and they
report starting to have sex earlier in life".

I don't think he's joking...if you will...

Which do you think came first, the sex or the laughter?

Kaufman further bolstesr his idea that there is evidence that humor
is related to sexual selection and is a positive social trait with
this study..

Men's sense of humor on women's response to courtship solicitations:
an experimental field study Nicolas Guéguen Université de Bretagne Sud

Summary? - Producing humor might function as a fitness indicator
associated with greater desirability during dating selection.

An experiment was carried out in which a male confederate in a bar was
instructed to tell (or not) funny jokes to two other male
confederates. A few minutes later, when the second two male
confederates left, the first male confederate asked a female who was
near his table and who had heard the funny jokes for her phone
number. The previous expression of humor was associated with greater
compliance to the male confederate's request and with a higher
positive evaluation. The possible effects of humor are discussed from
an evolutionary perspective.

The official version of this article is available at:
http://www.amsciepub.com/doi/pdf/10.2466/07.17.PR0.107.4.145-156
Cited as: Guéguen, N.

The result was that the man got the womans phone number more
frequently when she thought he was funny AND when she thought his
friends thought he was funny.


Both humor and social proof at work here.


He has prestige and he is funny.

Humor is PART of prestige.

It's part of intelligence.

And its very attractive to women.

If you want a woman to fall in love with you, you'd better know how to make them laugh. One other reference for understanding women better would be a book about subtle influence. A good read.

Motivational Speaker and Leadership Researcher

Top 5 Mistakes Leaders Make in the Workplace

by Kevin Hogan

1) Not giving enough feedback.

Constructive...not destructive criticism that intends to improve your team's performance will make your team go further. Regular evaluations of your team's strengths and weaknesses will keep them on top of their game-and you on top of yours. Make yourself available and approachable. Make sure your team knows your expectations. Listen to them.

2) Lack of adaptability.

The world, including your business, is constantly changing. Humans are made to adapt to new situations and ideas. Be open to new things and new ideas. Nothing is set in stone. Be flexible. Encourage new ideas, innovation, effort, collaboration as a TEAM.

3) Setting goals that are out of reach.

When goals are practically impossible to reach, people experience high levels of stress, lose motivation and performance declines. If your employees are afraid of making a mistake-this is a red flag! Fear is crippling. When we are afraid to make a mistake or fail, we usually will. We essentially shut down. It's okay to take a risk. Your team will make mistakes-but dwelling on them is a barrier to moving past and learning from that mistake.Be empathetic to your team's limits. When moderately challenging goals are set, people experience an amount of stress (good stress) that allows them to operate efficiently (otherwise known as 'flow') and competently.

4) Lack of self awareness.

Are people intimidated by you? Is your ego overinflated? Do you truly respect your employees? Do you have any bad habits in the workplace? Are you aware of your own body language? Not only should you dish out feedback to your employees, but ask for feedback about your performance as well as ways you can improve. Self-monitor your actions and how people react to you on a daily basis. Excellent leaders are always looking for ways to better themselves as leaders and team members. They are in touch with their strengths and weaknesses, thus being able to manage them. Admitting you may not be right in every situation and addressing your mistakes are crucial steps to effective leadership. Facilitating a better environment for everyone to work in will ultimately generate more output.


5) Workaholism

If you are consistently running on empty, feeling fatigued, and overall just plain burnt out- you need to take a step back. Breathe. It's time to reevaluate your work habits. You will not be an effective leader if you are finding yourself sleeping in your office and stashing spare sets of clothes at work. Great leaders find a sense of balance and sensible integration between work and their personal lives. If you are taking time for yourself and giving your body regular breaks from stress you will find yourself happier in the workplace and more output at your fingertips.

Covert Hypnosis and Motivational Speaking

For the truly excellent motivational speaker, Covert Hypnosis 2020 is an exciting new resource to make you even better. Worth checking out.

The Seven Principles of Persuasive Selling (Part 3)

KEYPOINT: In reality, you and I buy very few things for rational reasons. Instead, we buy things (especially those "spur of the moment" impulse items!) because of emotions...because of feelings.

Now, since people purchase a LOT of products based on emotions, what can you do to trigger those emotions?

Secrets of Tapping into Emotions

There are two secrets to touching the way we feel about things that work the majority of the time (I'll touch on both of these more later and in-depth in Las Vegas, but let me introduce them now)...

$10,000 KEY: Present problems and offer solutions. Early on in your offer or your presentation is a great place to do this. Outline a problem that your buyer or your target audience is probably facing and then point out how your product provides the solution...

Online:

One of the biggest obstacles facing most people doing business online is generating traffic to their websites.

Let me show you how to really get quality people who are interested in YOU and your WORK, product, service, experience, to YOUR website...

I like contrasting my work with others who write about, create products, and courses that are about similar topics to what I'm doing, but there is a significant difference. There's no need to replicate information. So I produce where others are deficient. but have no depth or value (or worse, it's actually destructive to their clients, customers or buyers).

That's a huge competitive advantage...USP...if you will.

Face it. Someone goes to a seminar for $5000 and gets nothing but a sales pitch or a bunch of sales pitches.

It doesn't take rocket science to know people are still angry... to know that they wanted value, and didn't get it. And that's where an opportunity is created for me to create happy and loyal lifetime relationships.

I mean think of the last time you went to a seminar that was really a sales pitch for a bunch of other stuff.

What emotions are triggered here? Anger? Absolutely! Most likely the reader is angry because she herself has been taken and disillusioned by the event, and the like.

The KEY is that there is a problem that they face, (the reason they went to the first event) there is the possibility of a solution for them to take a "chance" on Kevin Hogan.

Emotion has already been triggered and will continue to be fed throughout the remainder of our hypothetical presentation.

(I can feel the emotions of this scenario right now!)

You want to point out what happened with the other event. Let it sting.

Then let the reader/prospect/customer/future client see the existing problems that caused them to want to go to THAT event in the first place, then offer solutions where possible.

Don't exaggerate, lie or hype. Offer realistic, reachable solutions that will come to fruition in the near future.

We all have problems and we all want them eliminated. And, we don't mind paying for those solutions -- if they are real solutions.

KEYPOINT: Be the CLEAR ALTERNATIVE. If you can't be passionate about being the clear alternative....

* Present luxuries and offer opportunities. The flipside to that coin is to present something that triggers our passion and offer us a chance to obtain it. For example, here's one that would get a lot of people now...

"Wouldn't you like to improve your golf game so dramatically that you'll have your buddies scrambling to keep up with you?"

"Let me show you how to take at least 10 strokes off your total by the end of the week. You'll drive the ball farther, hit amazingly accurate chip shots and putt like a pro. Here's how..."

Aaaah. Show me where to sign up!

What emotions are triggered here? Excitement! Joy! Passion! Pride!

KEYPOINT: There is a certain "attraction" between our psyches and an opportunity to fulfill something we are passionate about.

The idea for you is to capitalize on an EXISTING emotional want.

For example, If you get targeted traffic to your website, or the right people in your store, then it is EASY present your work to your visitors because of their existing desires.

They already want something, all you have to do is be credible enough to persuade them that they can have it.

One reason we buy is because the offer or opportunity triggers some feeling inside of us that prompts us to go for it.

Your job is to let them pull the trigger.

The Seven Principles of Persuasive Selling (part 2)

1. The Principle of EMOTION

One of the reasons people make purchases is because of emotion.

Emotions like...

* FEAR:

Fear of gaining weight.
Fear of missing an opportunity.
Fear of unemployment.
Fear of death.
Fear of a future price increase.
Fear of what others think about them.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of growing old.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of being cheated.

There are hundreds of different PHOBIAS that DRIVE people to make purchases.

People buy life insurance because they fear dying prematurely and leaving their family financially strapped.

We buy exercise equipment because we fear gaining weight or getting out of shape.

We buy alarm systems because we fear we are going to be violated in some way.

KEY POINT: We make a lot of purchases because of our fears, on things that are supposed to ease our fears.

* PASSION:

Passion for food.
Passion for money.
Passion for our children.
Passion for our partner.
Passion for our career.
Passion for success.
Passion for fame.

You and I have those things in our lives that we are passionate about. Whether it is a relationship or a recreation, a possession or a position, we all have those things that we long for.

We all have those things that we "love." And we spend a lot of money in pursuit of those things.

I began reading voraciously as a kid. And everywhere I went, people told me more and more of the different kinds of books I could purchase. I bought thousands of books.

Why?

Because my passion for reading triggered an emotional response... I wanted to KNOW as much as a human could...and I was as good as sold long before walking into Barnes and Noble.

(To this day I have and have read everything possible about Biblical Archaeology, Religious Literature, The Historic Jesus, Decision Making, Illusion of Consciousness, Consumer Behavior, Evolutionary Psychology, Strategic and Critical Thinking, Motivation, Rejection, Relationship Research, well...and a few other ...dozen areas of interest....)

You and I make a lot of purchases based upon passion or love.

Things that make us happy, that bring us joy...that increase our pleasure. People buy food in many cases not because they are hungry, but because they love eating.

People buy self-help books not because we need to improve our reading skills, but because we long to improve our lives. People buy roses because they love their spouses.

Passion - it fuels a LOT of buying decisions.

I touched on fear and passion because those are the two biggest emotional buttons that cause people to make purchases.

There are plenty of others:

Sorrow, reverence, hate, sadness, surprise, anger, joy, excitement.

We make purchases for all of these reasons.

The Seven Principles of Persuasive Selling Presentations

What's one of the most important things to know before giving a Persuasive Selling Presentation?

Understanding what motivates people to buy and then pushing all the right buttons.

Simple.

Before I launch into creating and presenting your own offer, whether in person, on the web, or in media, we need to do some research to make sure your offer is accepted.

Now, when I say "research," I'm sure visions of high school term papers come to mind - late nights in the library pouring through book after book.

Don't worry, I wouldn't put ya through that!

I've already done the research for you. All you need to do is LEARN from what I have researched and am sharing with you today.

Core Reasons People Buy

I want to show you core reasons that people buy.

Are there other reasons?

A few, and they are profound and I'll talk to you about them in Las Vegas.

But for now, what if I told you that I am going to outline the things that motivate people to make purchases, and I'm going to show YOU how to have control over each of these core factors, AND I am going to give you the training you need to master these motivators to practically cause people to buy from YOU.

Interested?

Ready?

What motivates people to buy?

As mentioned earlier, this isn't an all-inclusive set.

These are the major causes of why people buy.

There are seven.

To Be Continued...

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Overcoming Hostitlity

Criticism: Attacking someone’s personality or character, usually with blame, instead of attacking a specific behavior.

Hostility: To be antagonistic toward someone. Pertaining to an enemy.

Contempt: Disapproval tinged with disgust. Communication that is intended to insult. To show disdain for another who is considered vile or worthless.

Contempt and hostility are fueled by thoughts of the other person’s incompetence or disgust. They are disgusting. You think they are stupid. How do you show this?

1. Labeling

   “You’re a jerk.”
   “You’re a b_tch.”
   “You’re a b_stard.”
   “You’re an idiot.”
   “You’re a fool.”
   “You’re stupid.”
   “You are incompetent.”
   

2. Nonverbally

   Roll your eyes when they say something.
   Sigh heavily while they are communicating something to you.
   Turn your back on them while they are talking.
   Walk away from them while they are talking.
   

3. Covert Insults and Humiliations Designed to Cause Real Pain In Others

   “Even Andy could get that one right.”
   “If you really loved me, you’d lift a finger to help around the house.”
   “You don’t even care about your kids.”
   “You were never there when we really needed you.”
   “Any kindergartener could figure that out you moron.”
   “You have serious psychological problems.”
   

Contempt Breeds Contempt

It’s true that contempt breeds contempt. Remember the last time you were involved in one of these?

“What the hell are you doing?”
“You told me to clean my room!”
“I told you to get the living room cleaned up because we have company coming, THEN to clean your room.”
“What’s the difference Mom, no one is coming for TWO hours?”
“That’s it. You have no respect. You are grounded.”
He looks at her in disbelief. Sits on his bed. Stares at her.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing. You’re crazy.”
“You will not speak to your Mother that way. You are grounded for one month! Now get this place clean. NOW!”

What happened here?

The son was cleaning his room. He probably should have been cleaning the living room first to prepare for company but he probably didn’t know why he should be cleaning the living room first.

Deep inside, the son felt put out that he had to clean his room and the living room. He didn’t mess up the living room after all. His toddling sister did. He doesn’t even go near the living room.

Deep inside, Mom felt like she was in a pressure cooker. Company coming in two hours and she has four hours of work to do. And this isn’t just any company this is hubby’s new client. A big one. The house has to be perfect. Tonight the pressure is on to make a really positive impression.

This is an example of how most people communicate all day long. Here is the next morning at work…

“Why aren’t you working on the Johnson account?”
“You told me to get the numbers for the Friedman account and the Johnson account updated today.”
“I told you that Johnson is going to be here in TWO hours. Get her account done THEN do the Friedman account. Does any of this make sense to you?”
“Both sets of numbers will be on your desk in the next hour.”
“I want the Johnson numbers NOW.”
“Fine.” (She drops the Friedman file. Grabs the Johnson file and returns to her desk.) “Is there anything else?”
“No. Just get that file to me ASAP.”

Deep inside, the office worker is feeling hurt and angry. She doesn’t feel trusted. She doesn’t feel as if her boss understands her competency level. She is angry that her boss felt it necessary to make a scene over NOTHING in front of the staff. The boss once again made her look bad for no reason. The file would have been done with no problem…and no time delay.

Deep inside, the boss felt that once again people just don’t get it. The top priority item gets second billing. What if there was an emergency or a problem and there wasn’t time to get the Johnson file done? Why don’t people do things in the order that make sense? This woman is as stupid as her son…except he’s 12 and has an excuse. Why does she keep this worker on? Probably because MOST of the time she does a good job, but THIS is just ridiculous.

The office worker goes home. She thinks all the way home that her boss is such a bitch. “She really thinks I’m an idiot,” she mutters over the steering wheel. I hate her. I am going to quit. I will not put up with this insanity any longer. I can’t handle it. She always is on me. Why doesn’t she just let me work and do my job?

She pulls in the driveway. Husband is home. “Hope he had a good day,” she says again over the steering wheel. She goes in. They hug, kiss, sit down and say hello for a minute.

“How was your day?”
“Oh, it was O.K. I’m sick of that witch though.”
“Did she say something again?”
“Yes, she was sticking her nose in my business again.”
“You know, next time she does that you should just tell her to leave and let you get your work done.”
“It’s not quite that easy. She is the boss ya’ know.”
“I know that but that doesn’t give her a right to be so overbearing. Tell her that you are good at what you do and that you don’t need her meddling.”
“She’s so in your face, very intimidating…(kind of like you honey…now that I think of it…) and I don’t want to push the wrong button and lose my job.”
“Geez’, they can’t fire you for doing your job and saying how you feel. Don’t let her push you around.”
“I’ll take care of it.” (I have no idea how but I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Now I feel incompetent here too!)
“Good, if you don’t let it fester you can have it taken care of tomorrow and never deal with it again.”
”That’s easy to say, you are the supervisor at your office. I’m just a peon.”
“I respect people who speak their mind as long as they are respectful.”
“She doesn’t respect anyone but herself. She is not you.”
“I know. I just hate to see you pushed around.”
“I can handle myself.” (No I can’t. Why do I say things like that?)
“OK honey. Keep me posted.” (I’m not going to make her feel bad by continuing this.)

Solutions for Contempt and Hostility

Hostility is attacking someone with the intent to do verbal harm. Some people simply fly off the handle and criticize people. As we talked about earlier, that has to be stopped. Others will complain about behaviors that their partners do. That isn’t so bad in the long run though it isn’t exactly a recipe for happiness. What is among the worst offending sins that is detrimental to the soul is communication with the intent to harm whether in public or private.

If you or your partner are intentionally communicating with the intent to harm you must stop immediately. Hostility is something that no soul should be involved in. There is no benefit to hostility for anyone. The desire to harm others through communication is a sign of serious relationship problems that need to be corrected as soon as possible.

If your partner is intentionally communicating with you in a hostile manner you need to gently share this information with him at the first reasonable moment. The partner should be allowed to communicate his feelings about the reason for his hostility and then move to a solution. The solution is not the silent treatment but increased communication. However, as you deal with the specific issue of hostility do not bring up all the relationship problems of the past. This only gives cause to do the exact opposite of your goal. What model of communication would you propose? Propose it. Get agreement if appropriate and start communicating with the intention to make each other feel good about each other. The exercises on the coming pages will help you rebuild a relationship that was on treacherous ground.

Re-Creating Love and Caring in Relationships

Will the relationship end or will love be re-created? If it’s time to start over do so now. The following plan for re-creating your relationship will be of great help. Here’s how:

Design a completely safe environment in which you and your partner may communicate.

If you have been hitting your partner, change your behavior. Changing your emotions will happen later, but change your behavior now! Your partner was hit as a child. If you tend to blow up at your loved one, stop now. They were yelled at as a child. If you get up and leave when you are angry, stop it now. They were abandoned as a child and you’re acting just like the parent. Think carefully about these examples before moving on to number two. Create an atmosphere where it is safe to talk and communicate. Promise each other that this is a time to listen and not judge, evaluate or point fingers. Create an atmosphere where you can experience positive communication.

Describe three things that you can implement in your marriage today to create a safe environment for yourself and your partner to communicate in.

Stop all criticism immediately!

There is no such thing as constructive criticism to the parts of the unconscious mind that are attempting to finish their childhood!

Create sessions of healing acceptance.

Healing acceptance sessions occur when you and your partner sit down and talk just as if you had been hit by a car in an accident. You want to find out if the other person is all right and see what you can do for them. You need to tell your partner that you want him to acknowledge what you are about to tell him without rebuttal or explanation on his part. No defensiveness is necessary. You are simply telling him that you are wounded and that it hurts. You will not blame him. You will use statements like, “I feel...” and “I hurt...” He should say, “I understand,” and “What else do you want to tell me?” “Go on.” “OK.” Those four statements and questions are the sum of what the non-injured partner will say.

It is vitally important to never attack your partner during these, “healing acceptance” sessions. Keep it open and loving and then your relationship will be on it’s way forward!

Perform random acts of kindness for your partner.

Bring a card or gift home after work. A small and inexpensive gift shows your thoughtfulness and can do wonders for your relationship in a big way. Notice the key word is ‘random’. It means unpredictable. Be unpredictable with your times of giving.

Do something that you normally don’t do around the house. If you never do the dishes, do them one night. If you never cut the lawn, cut it. The unexpected can be very pleasant and very appreciated.

Return to a successful dating ritual you liked.

Was there something special you did while you were dating? Do it now.

Express your love and feelings for your partner with hugs, kisses and verbal affirmations of love, often.

Most people need to be hugged and kissed. Leo Buscaglia used to prescribe at least a dozen hugs per day for the maintenance of a relationship. Saying, “I love you,” may get old after 30,000 recitations but you never hear of anyone complaining that their partner tells them that they love them too often!

Discover their needs and wants while sharing yours.

For you to have a wonderful relationship discover what your partner currently loves about your relationship. Then ask your partner what he thinks could improve your relationship. Ask your partner the questions below, in the Successful Relationship Elicitation exercise. (Don’t do this all in one sitting!)

This exercise will help you discover what is important to your partner and will help you transform your relationship.

Successful Relationship Elicitation

The following questions are to be used as discovery tools for you and your partner to learn more about each other and deepen your bond. Use these questions as tools to gently start to help you and your partner “peel each other’s onions.” The first questions will help you and your partner build resources for which you can refer to in tough times. Later questions help discover weaknesses and areas that can use change or improvement. Spend about 20 minutes for each partner with these questions, over several days.

• What is the best thing about our relationship?
• What is the next best thing about our relationship?
• What else?
• What do you believe you should learn about me to improve our relationship?
• What do you think I should learn about you to improve our relationship?
• What are two things I do that annoy you?
• What are two things you do, that you think annoy me?
• How happy are you with our sex life?
• What can I do to make our sex life more intoxicating?
• What would you be willing to do to make our sex life more intoxicating?
• When we argue from now on, should we agree to kiss and make up before the argument gets out of hand?
• What will our “cue” be for this to happen?
• What do you do around the house that you think I don’t appreciate?
• What do you do at work that you think I don’t appreciate?
• What do I do that you probably don’t appreciate as much as you could?
• What do you want to know about my past that I haven’t told you?
• What do you want me to know about your past that you haven’t told me?
• When should I be jealous?
• When do you think you should be jealous?
• How can we go from having a good relationship to having a fantastic relationship?

All of these questions allow us to discover more about our partner in a couple of hours than we may have discovered in years. Questions are an under-used element of communication in our culture. Beginning to ask gentle questions will put you on the track to improving communication and thereby improving your relationship no matter how good or bad it already is.

Learning what is important to your partner and being certain your partner understands what you need and want makes having a good relationship much easier. You take the guess work out of knowing what helps the other person feel more at ease with you.

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Influence & Persuasion: How to Read Their Minds (Part 4)

Experiment 4: Priming and the Brain

I showed half the group the name "Benjamin Franklin." I showed half the group the name "Bill Gates." Then I said, "Write down the name of a man."

I made no prediction. I simply had everyone read what name they wrote down. The people who were primed with Benjamin Franklin wrote down historical figures like FRANKLIN Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. None of the men written down were living.

In the group that was shown Bill Gates, two interesting things happened. First, all of the men's names (save one) that were written down were names of men who were still living, including a significant number choosing BILL Clinton. The prime of "Bill" was more useful than I imagined it would be and other living wealthy (without exception) men were named as well.

The experiments show how powerful priming is. Priming CAUSES people to THINK and BEHAVE in specific ways that are largely predictable.

Let me do one with you right now. QUICKLY do this then see what happens.

Experiment 5: More Priming

QUICKLY: Write down the name of a card in a deck of cards. Any card at all.

Now

What's interesting...

...is that...

people who wait more than one second before writing their card down, end up writing random cards and colors. Those who respond instantly select one of three cards over 60% of the time: Ace of spades, Queen of Hearts and Jack of Diamonds. When only two predictions can be made, it's the AS or QH: 45% of the time.

This is a truly amazing test of psychic power of course...because it is all but impossible. Yet the hands go up and everyone looks at each other in amazement to see that they or their neighbor wrote down what was "sent" to them.

How does this work?

We are all primed to think certain things and do certain things in certain situations. If I tell you to write down a city in America, you are likely to write down New York. Most people do. People think city and the neural net immediately goes to the city with the most connections. On average, in America, that is New York.

Understanding specifically how and what people will respond and react to makes creating influential messages much easier than trying to guess what people will respond to.

I discuss the results of all the experiments in Science of Influence 37-48. With this, you have enough incredible insights to go out and change how you are working with clients and customers, today.

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Influecen & Persuasion: How To Read Their Minds (Part 3)

Experiment 2: Get Them Calculating

Next I had people speak out loud the answers to these:

1+1 is...
2+2 is...
4+4 is ...
8+8 is...
16+ 16 is...
32 + 32 is...
64 + 64 is...

then I said,
"Write down a number between 12 and 5."

I predicted that they would write down the number 7. Precisely 50% of the participants did just that. Each participant was free to select 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, or 6. But there was no conscious selection. They simply did a mathematical operation after having done seven prior to my request. This one was subtraction. 12-5=7. Only 16% should have written 7 but 50% did because our mind is on autopilot and does what the last thing in it would trigger.

To follow up and elaborate on that point, I do something far more complex and truly mystifying.

Experiment 3: Instruct the Brain

I repeat all of the seven mathematical operations above then I say,

"Say blue"
"Say black"
"Say white"
"Say orange"
"Say black"
"Write down a vegetable."

Now there are hundreds of vegetables. Alfalfa sprouts, asparagus, beets, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, carrots, corn, and so on. But with certainty and confidence I state the impossible.

"I wanted you to write down carrot."

Indeed 45% chose carrot. A statistical impossibility, all things being equal...but all things weren't equal. I don't have psychic powers.... I simply know how to control the mind (mine and my client's).

The brain is made up of neurons that fire together and wire together to create engrams of information which create "thoughts." In this case the brain was instructed "vegetable black orange." There is no black vegetable. Carrots are indeed orange, and that is specifically why people immediately choose carrots. With even one second of a delay however, the number of people writing down carrot decreases dramatically. As soon as the mind "thinks," or "attends", your psychic powers...disappear. All the brain did was link the representation of vegetable to the one that was orange (as there is no encoding for black vegetable in the brain). Simple, as long as the person reacts instantly and doesn't pause to think.

We did dozens of similar tests to pave the way for some amazing applications for each person's business. I'll give you one example with fascinating results that has never been done anywhere before.

Turn the page for more experiments.

To Be Continued...

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Influence & Persuasion: How To Read Their Mind ( Part 2)

What is the Secret?

The secret is in understanding how minds and bodies are controlled by specific stimuli or not. But, there's more.

The secret is also in understanding how people respond and/or react to certain stimuli. Knowing how people filter the past and how they will filter in the future. (If you don't have Science of Influence 1-36....you are missing...everything!)

Experiment 1: You First

I had all the Influence: Boot Camp participants watch me closely. When I "wrote" the numbers 1,2,3,4 high in the air with my finger and then asked them to write down one number, 45% chose (as I predicted when I turned the flip chart around) the number 3.

When there are hundreds of people in the audience, the number comes closer to 50 or 55% because we begin to identify with the crowd and think as one unit. That's when minds are very predictable. Think about it. 1/2 of all people will write down 3. In an audience of 500 the odds of that happening are millions to one. Absolute proof of psychic powers and connections with the people. Psychic influence at it's best?

It's no such thing.

People, on average, don't like going first (it's a way to get yourself thrown out of the gene pool) and they hate being last. They are compelled to not pick the first or last number. Given the choice of the second or third, they err to the cautious side and select the number three.

It's human nature. In 11 years of doing this bit of psychic prowess, it has never failed in a group larger than 13 people. Never.

I'll come back to what all this means to you as a person of influence later.

To be continued...

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How to Read Their Minds (Part 1)

How would you like to be able to:

• Cause people to make certain decisions instead of others, or

• Simply say the right thing and have it trigger crucial emotions and thoughts necessary for you to hear "yes?"

"Mind control" is nothing short of exciting. The results of well-done research glisten like gold. Influence as an art is useful. As a science, it is indispensable.

We scientifically tested and re-tested about 30 brand new and some old experiments of mind control and persuasion at Influence: Boot Camp..

Many of the tests and experiments we did are based upon mentalism routines I often use to open up a presentation. They captivate immediately. People are fascinated when you can read their minds, tell them what happened in their past...with precision. And they literally think that psychic powers are possible because Kevin has them...(but I don't - no more than you do!).

Can You Literally Read Minds?

Pat Dillon is a wonderful real estate trainer who works on the east coast. And he was one of our Boot Camp participants. A question came up about "talking to the dead", and "telling a person their future". Pat was kind enough to let me "psychically" tell him these things:

• That the someone special he was thinking about who had died was indeed his father,

• That he died in a hospital of heart attack,

• It was in a different city but not one far from his own home,

• That he wasn't able to be with him but desperately wanted to be and,

• That til this day a small amount of resentment existed by Pat toward the person who was able to be there, his brother.

• He really wanted to be there. He couldn't.

At that point of the "reading" I stopped and reminded him that I am not psychic and I didn't want him to believe I was. The silence in the room, the looks of astonishment revealed minds that had been blown. It was undeniable evidence that I could read Pat's mind. But I couldn't. I could easily read his nonverbals, though.

"Talking to the dead" and reading minds is a teachable skill. In two days, I can show just about anyone how to "read someone's mind" or "tell them their past and future" with essentially no error.

The very same skills help develop the most persuasive messages.

What's the secret?

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Rewiring Her Brain. How to Do It. (Part 1)

You want her to say “yes” to you. It’s as simple as that. You want her to listen to you. You want her to buy you, your product, your idea, or your service. You want her to change in therapy. The processes are all similar. Whether “she” is the beautiful woman across the room, the business you are selling to or an entire country…(No one ever refers to a beautiful ship, a great company or one’s country as a “he.”)…you begin by rewiring her brain.

There is a quality to the imprecision of a well-designed story that activates both sides of the brain. If a story is “too perfect or too pristine”, then you will fail in your goal. There must be “holes” in your story to keep attention. Just like every great piece of popular fiction from Sherlock Holmes to John Grisham’s work, you must have plenty of holes that need to be filled by the reader. You want to do the same. The goal is there. The linear process is there. The sensations are there. The feelings are there. But you don’t have all the information until the person says “yes.” This is a secret of captivation!

Women will tell you they find a man intriguing while he is still complex and somewhat mysterious. When the entire puzzle is solved, it is time to put the puzzle in the closet.

She is the product of her genes and her social construction. You can only rewire her brain if she finds you enticing in some respects. She will find you fascinating and want more of you when you make her brain light up like a Christmas tree. Both sides. The stories must link up her emotions, feelings, sensations as well as her sense of staying with the story moment by moment. This is true whether you are a man or woman, and whether you are selling yourself, your therapy or a product.

Here, I’m going to present to you a taste of new research about one set of strategies that we have discussed very little over the past year. This article touches on some of the more incredible information I’ve disseminated to you in the last few years….

In fact the process of rewiring her brain is, in part, a microcosm of changing groups, cultures, country and world opinion. Understanding the stickiness of one helps understand the other. And the way you change one person or a group is essentially the same although there are some additional challenges in changing the individual outside of the group. (It’s much easier to create change or get “yes” in a group than it is in a one-on-one situation.)

In this article you’re going to learn the following:

• People’s beliefs and behaviors are “sticky.” (Most don’t change easily)
• People’s brains, which generate these beliefs and behaviors, can be rewired.
• Groups, societies and nations exhibit the same “stickiness.”
• Virtually everyone’s brain can be re-wired.
• Some people rewire faster than others due to individual differences.
• Specific strategies.

You’ve learned a lot about how behavior generates attitudes in the past few months here in coffee. The fastest and best way to change someone’s attitude is to get them to perform a behavior. The second fastest is to tell a specific kind of story with several key ingredients…You will learn both today.

Nothing shows this clearer than the world events of the past 10 days.

10 days prior to engagement in Iraq, the United States Citizens were split about 50/50 as to whether this would be the right thing to do. Two days after the first engagement, polls showed 70-76% of citizens felt it was the right thing to do. Why? Behavior precedes attitude change. As soon as the collective behaves in one way, then individual change begins. Note: Not everyone will change in every collective.

FIRST KEY: Behavior precedes attitude.

It should be easy.

The troops will free Iraq and then her citizens can go and do what they want for the first time in their life. This will take time, because behavior and stories will take time to integrate. Freedom is a new conceptual reality and not a behavior or story.

But, in reality, freedom takes getting used to.

Very few people in the world, less than 5%, completely embrace and utilize freedom even when they have the opportunity. Most people wake up in the morning and go to the same place they did yesterday at the same pay, with the identical hours, with the same co-workers, with the same specific tasks or jobs to do.

Now, imagine that you take this normal person in a free society (Where one can choose what they do for a living, who they work for, determine what religion they will adhere to and what political beliefs they will choose.) and tell they can have an even better life. They are now “free to leave.” They are free to leave and go anywhere they choose. In the examples in this middle part of the story we will talk about their employment (as opposed to where they live, their hobbies, their friends, their spouse.

Recently in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, there was an enormous article about how employees at Northwest Airlines “fear for their jobs.” Wow! The United States has 200,000,000 different jobs and a person is afraid they will lose their one job with only 199,999,999 left to compete for. If someone is only average they can compete for 100 million jobs…

You set them free.

What does the person do?

They freeze. They become fearful. They wait for the company to re-hire. They come back to the same job, pay, hours and co-workers. Every day. Very few will leave for a long time. It takes enormous pain to get people to move from point one to point two.

When a fish is placed in an aquarium and a clear plastic barrier is placed at the midpoint of the barrier the fish only has access to half the aquarium’s space to swim. After one week, the kind owner of the fish (who lovingly gave him one cubic foot of water to live in) removes the barrier so the fish can swim through the entire aquarium. What happens?

The fish stays on her side of the aquarium. She doesn’t move into the other side of the aquarium. She wouldn’t know how. There was always a barrier there, there continues to be one after it is removed.

This experiment has been done many times and is just one of hundreds of experiments that are related to changing behavior when one is free to do so.

All of these experiments and an analysis of interpersonal communications and social change show that without enforcing behavioral change…almost all changes are accomplished slowly. There are exceptions. One notable change was the willingness of American Citizens to relinquish some private information in exchange for a substantially safer country to live in. (Airport Security, Immigration Information Upgrades, etc.) This change, which would have taken decades in normal circumstances, happened in less than six months. A rare exception to the rule. The exception was, of course, one of necessity and not “will” per se. Fear is a potent motivator, as you have learned from past articles.

Research on recidivism at prisons across America shows that the vast majority of people who enter prison once soon come back again. The longer they stay, the more likely they are to return.

It is indeed very difficult for even the most reformed prisoner to return to the “real world” after living in prison. The time in prison is very regimented. Every basic absolute need (food, water, shelter, clothing) is met even though few core human drives are fulfilled. (Sex, safety, acquisition).

The prisoner is put on a schedule. They are told when to eat, where to eat, how to eat. When and where to sleep. When and where to exercise. When and where to work. There is no choice. At the onset of captivity the prisoner resists these changes from the real world. After 4-8 weeks, the changes become the new status quo and become very impermeable to change. The more regimented, the more difficult to change.

On “the outside,” there are choices. Too many choices for someone used to captivity. The former prisoner must learn to eat on a different schedule, eat different food, shower at different times, exercise at will and sleep on a chosen schedule. The choices are too numerous for most to handle and the prisoner ultimately returns to that which he knows best.

Much like leaving a job after five or ten years is considered a devastating experience by most, the prisoner is thrown into a state of flux upon release. No matter how unpleasant the status quo is, the brain knows what to expect and can thus predict what will happen…the same thing that happened yesterday. The need to be able to predict the events of the future has historically been critical to human survival…and….it is also the great obstacle in change. The person leaving the job tends to return to the line of work he just left. The prisoner returns to the cellblock he once lived in.

Even in a free society like The United States, Canada, or the U.K., people tend to shy away from utilizing their freedom. On average, people prefer far fewer choices than having a universe of possibilities.

The oldest part of the brain, what we will call the unconscious part of the brain, moves through day to day activity by reacting to the same stimuli in the same fashion that has been successful every day in the past. When new information and challenges are presented the brain doesn’t know how to respond with certainty so it doesn’t. The conscious part of the mind pauses and “thinks.” It starts to look at possibilities and options. It is…work.

What will happen in a country like Iraq?

With a respected, trustworthy, caring interim leader who is seen to have the best interests of the masses at heart… and delegates labor on a somewhat socialistic system, they will probably succeed. Ultimately, in 10 years, a conversion to a democratic society where freedom of choice exists if the person chooses to utilize the freedom can work. These changes are slow though. Anyone expecting social stability even in the best case in a currently oppressed society, is expecting too much. It takes time. Sometimes a generation or more. Many people believe that capitalism and democracy “don’t work” after having lived in a “democratic society” after communism or a dictatorship. And indeed, it is rare that the first generation “works” because you would be expecting an entire nation of people to be able to intelligently choose jobs, spouses, hobbies, religions, political parties when they have done so.

It’s much like asking a kindergartner to tell you which is the safest street to take on her walk to school. She may guess correctly but she probably will fail until she learns how to make choices…makes the choices…then tests them by walking them. Then she will become convinced in her own mind which is safest…whether it really is or not.

So how do you rewire her brain if you can’t actually get her to take physical actions?

Story….but only a specific kind of story.

In Covert Hypnosis Volume 1, (now available in the Covert Hypnosis CD Set, I gave you some of the examples of stories but I’ve never revealed the ingredients of a story that will begin the rewiring process in her brain.

When you are talking with that (beautiful) woman across the table from you, you may fail at getting her to take an action but you won’t fail at getting her unconscious mind’s attention and begin changing circuitry. But you must do it correctly.

Stories can destroy your chances of getting to “yes,” or they can ensure it.

Effective stories must be goal oriented and linear to engage the left brain. If you stop there you will lose (and so will she!). This is one of many reasons why most self help programs don’t work. Communicating a goal to yourself or someone else in and of itself is simply going to fail. Don’t even bother.

You must engage the right brain, also. You must observe a Christmas tree of lights going off and on in the right brain. How do you accomplish this?

There must be verbal and nonverbal activation of emotion in your story, which will turn on the lights in her right brain. This, combined with a linear and goal-oriented story will fully engage her mind in what you are saying. In addition, it begins processing and reprocessing of information and her thoughts about you, literally beginning the rewiring process and putting you in a positive light.

KEY POINT: Feelings, thoughts, behaviors and sensations must be included in all rewiring stories or the rewiring will fail. The influential communication will be lost on her and you walk away with an expensive dinner and a “thanks for the evening.” Or you lose the sale…or you lose the battle for the public mind.

To learn much more about sculpting the brain you will want the Covert Hypnosis CD Set and Workbook. (New! - see below.)

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Flubbing The Story: 10 Communication Mistakes We All Make (Part 3)

10) Not telling your stories with intention.

Before you begin speaking, over-ride the compulsion to blurt out your story.

Think:
What is the intention of your story?
Why are you going to tell this story?
Will anyone who listens to this story be hurt by what you say?

You might think that it's not that important to communicate exactly what you mean but remember December 2002? Quite often someone tells a story and they haven't thought about who they are telling the story to or how it might easily be misinterpreted to mean something else.

Trent Lott, A Mississippi Republican got himself stuck in a public relations nightmare and gave up the dream of a lifetime in December of 2002. Destined to become the House Majority Leader in January of 2003, he made a critical mistake that everyone should be attentive to and learn from.

Speaking at a party honoring Senator Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday, he opened Pandora's box and never knew what his words of appreciation for the elderly Senator would do. The drama of misunderstood words caused even the President of The United States to distance himself from Lott.

Speaking for the President, Ari Fleischer said after one speech that Bush was not calling for Lott to step aside as Leader or as Senator.

"The president does not think that Sen. Lott needs to resign," Fleischer said.

The problem? Thurmond, the South Carolina Republican who ran as a third-party candidate for president in 1948 as a segregationist had changed his views over the ensuing 50 years of public service. But the comments by Lott made it appear that Lott was still in favor of them. In 1948 most blacks in many southern U.S. states, including Mississippi, were not allowed to vote.

Lott actually didn't say anything that was racist but the interpretation by his adversaries was easy to spin into the public mind. Shortly after the speech, Lott called Bush, and his office issued a statement saying the president was right.

"Senator Lott agrees with President Bush that his words were wrong and he is sorry," said Lott spokesman Ron Bonjean. "He repudiates segregation because it is immoral."

Lott expressed similar sentiments in his call to Bush, Fleischer said.

So just what did Lott say at the Thurmond celebration?

"We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years,"

Later he would have to clarify what he meant but it was too late, he hadn't thought through how is words might effect the minds of his greatest adversaries.

"I'm sorry for my words," said Lott, who has said he would not step aside as Senate Republican leader. Speaking to WABC radio in New York and then on BET days later, Lott said he had wanted to honor "Thurmond the man" but not back segregationist policies.

The Congressional Black Caucus called for a formal censure of Lott, saying anything less would be seen as approval of his remarks by Bush, Congress and the Republican party. In Mississippi, civil rights officials said his apology was insufficient, and accused him of having enduring ties to groups that are believed to have racist views. Several major U.S. newspapers published editorials demanding Republicans reject Lott as their Senate leader.

A few misunderstood words caused Lott his reputation and drove many of those closest to him to leave his side.

What is the lesson learned?

Lesson: When telling your stories, think about how they will be received by your listeners and the people your listeners will talk to. You aren't likely to ever be under media scrutiny like a political leader, but the point is clear. Think before speaking.

In a conversation with friends, business colleagues and the like you will often hear them say something which frustrates you. You will hear things that you don't understand. Because you really want to know what the person means and feels, you must learn to tease out the intention.

Did they mean what you thought they just said?
Did they mean what you heard?

In Lott's case a friend might say to the Senator, "So are you saying you liked the way Thurmond thought about segregation in 1948."

He might reply, "Of course not. What a stupid thought. I meant that I really admire Thurmond."

It is that simple and difficult. When you don't understand their story, seek to understand before criticizing the person!

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Flubbing The Story: 10 Communication Mistakes We All Make (Part 3)

8) Poke holes in other people's special stories.

They are telling you about their adventure to the audit at the IRS office.

"I was so nervous, I'm driving to the IRS office and I'm sitting there thinking, oh man, I have to remember to NOT talk. Shut up. Be quiet. Don't say anything."

"What did you do to get audited?"

"Huh? I filed Schedule C and that means..."

"Did you report all of your income?"

"I think so."

"You THINK so? What are you nuts? You have to report all of your income."

"Of course you have to report all of your income. Anyway, I'm on the way to the IRS office and..."

"Did you overstate your deductions?"

"Of course not. I ..."

"If you overstate your deductions they will bust your ..."

"I KNOW that and I didn't. Let's just drop the whole thing."

"O.K. I was just trying to help."

And so it goes. Our storyteller was preparing to tell the story of her big victory over the IRS auditor and our storyteller's friend poked big holes in the story. So big that it took all the fun and excitement out of sharing the story.

The appropriate response would have been to listen with fascination and a sense of curiosity, saving all questions and comments for much, much later.

9) Overtly brag about yourself too much.

"I don't want to brag but the place would have gone under without me. I was there every day at dawn and stayed til the sun went down. I built the company and once they had 100 employees there was no appreciation at all. They down sized me. It was unbelievable. I literally designed almost every major piece that we produced and when it came time for them to decide who to let go, it was me. I couldn't believe it. They never would have gone public without me. They never would have met their payroll without me. I just can't believe they didn't see what I was worth to them."

True or not, bragging never pays. There are so many effective ways to bolster your reputation and communication credentials when talking to people that you never need to overstate your contribution to a relationship, a project, a business, a deal, or anything. Learn how to tell a great story where you were a hero without bragging at all!

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